


you are stronger than what you think, troy

by orphan_account



Category: Community (TV)
Genre: Emotional, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Resolved ending, Trobed, Yelling, a lot of cussing in this I am sorry, britta comforts him, britta is there to help him, multi-chapters, troy and britta do not date they are just good friends, troy is going through some thoughts after the dance recital, troy is working through a lot in his head, tw anxious thoughts, tw cussing, tw internalized homophobia, what i think happened after the dance recital
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:33:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25167751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "You are so strong and tough and smart, and never forget that. And believe me when I say, Abed feels the same.”After the dance recital, all the emotions Troy has felt over the past few months come spilling out.... to multiple people.
Relationships: Troy Barnes & Britta Perry, Troy Barnes/Abed Nadir
Comments: 8
Kudos: 48





	you are stronger than what you think, troy

Troy frantically ran to the boy's locker room to change. Thank god there’s no one else in here because all the emotions welling up finally came out right then. 

It had been a whirlwind the last couple of weeks, preparing for this night. While it was physically tiring, it had also taken a toll on his emotional and mental wellbeing. Troy still was not comfortable with people knowing he danced. He was supposed to be this “macho man”, this jock that everyone loved. But if people found he was doing something that did not fit this persona, would they still love him?

This question had been eating him up inside. That was part of the reason he “quit”, even though Britta told him not too. Britta had been so supportive of him in the last couple of days, and he still could not shake the feeling he had of disappointment. 

At this point, he was quietly sobbing. That’s when Abed ran in. 

“Troy? Troy! Are you in her-”, Abed stopped after seeing a red-eyed Troy stare back at him.

Troy quickly turned around, “Don’t look at me. I’m not in the mood, just go.”

“But I saw you crying right now? Are you okay?”

“Please, just stop talking and go.” Troy sternly yelled. At that moment he knew, he fucked up. Abed looked upset (rightly so). 

“Fuck, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you, shit I am so sorry. Fuck. Fuck.”

“It- It’s fine. I just saw you run in here upset. I just wanted to see if you were okay, but I'll leave now.” Abed made his way to the door, but he glanced over his shoulder to look at Troy, “ And hey, you were great out there. It was really cool to see you dance. Well. I'll see you on Monday. Sorry again.” Abed walked away, slumped over in distraught. 

“No shit, I’m sorry I shouldn’t have…”, it was too late. Abed was gone. 

“DAMMIT!” Troy screamed while kicking a locker. “I can’t do anything right.” The tears were really coming down now. This whole dance experience has been awful. His dance teacher yelled at him, for not committing during the show. Then Pierce’s comment about how everyone knew he was gay because fuck did they? And then he hurt Abed, which is literally the one person he would never want to hurt.

He has been feeling especially weird around Abed recently. Every time he tried and talked to him, it was like his words were being stuck in his throat. Every time he looked at him, it was like his world… stopped. He wanted things to go back to the way they were when everything made sense. He felt weird but in a good way? ...It was a weird couple of weeks. Months even, Troy thought. There was a twinge of new sadness that overcame him, along with a new set of tears. Everything just felt so weird. 

“Fucking, FUCK man.” Troy kicked the lockers again, harder. “Ouch,” Troy said aloud. “Probably shouldn’t have done that, shit.” Troy sat down on one of the benches, holding his throbbing foot. 

“Troy? Troy are you in here?” a feminine voice said. 

“Britta… Is that you?” Troy’s voice came out meek, in between sobs.

“Yeah, it’s me… I heard a loud bang and I…” she looked over to see a distressed Troy, eyes red from sobs, “Oh Troy…”. She ran over and gave him a huge hug. “Everything will be okay. Everything will be okay.” 

Troy’s head fell in the crook of Britta’s neck, and he let out a hard sob. Britta rubbed his back. “I’m sorry about your leotard,” Troy mumbled. 

“Oh it’s okay, I can just wash it.” Silence filled the locker room. All that was echoing off the walls were muffled cries coming from Troy. Britta broke this by saying, “Troy…” she paused, “what happened?”

Troy lifted his head to look at Britta “What do you mean?”

“Well, you're kicking lockers, and crying hysterically, and mumbling yourself...and Abed ran out of here looking upset as well.” 

“Dammit, dammit, DAMMIT!” Troy stomped on the ground, putting his head in hands, “I didn’t mean to hurt him. I’m such an asshole.”

Britta looked at him, sympathetically. “What’s been happening, Troy? This whole month you’ve not been yourself. I just want to know what’s happening, you can trust me.”

And Troy knew he could. When he looked into Britta’s eyes, he did see trust. The only feeling that great friends can have. “Okay…” Troy said, rubbing his nose on his sleeve.  
“I guess… it all started when…I saw Abed for the first time.”

“Wait what do you mean?”

Troy seemed hesitant, but in a way, ready. “When the study group got together for the first time, I looked at him, and it was like something inside me opened up. I didn’t think much of it, until Annie’s Halloween party. Abed and I were sitting around eating candy, just talking. And I said something kinda weird, but… he got it. He completely understood what I was trying to say, and at that moment, everything felt… right. It was like the universe opened up. It was honestly really scary. So, I’ve been ‘avoiding’ Abed for a long time now. Which I know, is not the right move, but honestly, I don’t know what else to do. I’m scared people are going to think… I’m gay.”

Britta stared at him, with a slightly stunned expression on her face. “Woah.”

“Heh, yeah, Woah. And then I joined dance because my coach says it really helps with football. But there was always that part of me that was scared to tell anyone, but honestly, thank you, Britta, for being that someone it took me out of my shell. It was actually really cool to go up on stage and tell everyone that I did dance… until…” Troy stopped and stared at the ground.

“Until what? What is it?” Britta inquired. 

“It’s just that… Pierce… Pierce told me that it was a good way to tell people that I’m gay. And I know that Pierce is stupid and dumb and old and doesn’t understand anything and he’s racist and homophobic and just a terrible person and why is he in our study group, but… it really got to me. I- I-'' The tears started swelling up again.

“Hey, hey it’s going to be okay, everything will always be okay.” Britta pulled Troy back into a hug. Troy started crying again. 

“I just don't wanna…” Troy mumbled into Britta. 

“You just don’t wanna what?” she pulled Troy up so he was not in her shoulder anymore. 

“I just don’t wanna…” Troy’s voice was small, and it felt like the world was crumbling around him. He just wanted to lay down, but something deep inside of him told him to press on. It was like everything had led to this moment. 

“I just don’t wanna disappoint anyone. If people think I’m gay, they’ll just be disappointed.”

Britta was stunned “What do you mean disappointed?!” 

“I mean, it’s like everyone has this idea of me. Of who I am. But if that changes, those people will think I’m lying and I'm not like the idea of who they think I am. It just leads to so much disappointment. I can’t do that to anyone.” 

Britta stared at Troy with such sorrow in her eyes. Her heart was heavy. “Troy, I want you to look at me, like, really look at me right now.”

Troy stared into her eyes, in search of something. He felt a twinge in his heart when he saw what he was searching for. It was like there was a light in her eyes. Light of friendship, hope, trust. 

Britta finally broke the silence. “Troy Barnes, you can never, and I mean never, disappoint anyone. You are one of the best people I have met, even if we’ve only known each other for a short time, you have been one of the coolest, funniest, and best people I’ve known. I mean, just think about tonight! You totally kicked ass on that stage, and showed me and everyone else how awesome you are. And how great of a friend you are! And honestly, fuck what people think. I know, I know. It’s easier said than done, but trust me, Troy. The only person's opinion that matters about yourself is... yours… if that makes sense. You just need to be true to be yourself and fuck what the others think. Especially if their name is Pierce Hawthorne.”

Troy was on the verge of tears. “Th-Thank you so much, Britta,” Troy was visibly shaking now. Britta placed her hands on his forearm and rubbed back and forth. “I just… sometimes people’s words get to me.”

“I know they do, and this will be an ongoing battle, but trust me I will help you every step of the way. Please, trust me on that.” 

Troy looked into Britta’s eyes once more, and he knew that he could trust her. He could see it in her. And yet, there was still a knot in his stomach. Something that was eating at him Abed, he thought. “Shit. Shitshitshit.” Troy hissed.

“Troy, what’s happening?”

Troy looked away, more tears in his eyes. “I-I-I fucked up with Abed. I was upset earlier and I screamed at him, and it made him upset. And now he’s going to think I hate him, and I’m going to lose him forever. And I will never get to be with hi-” Troy stopped suddenly, realizing what he just said. 

Britta looked at him with wide eyes. “Troy, honey, I think you like Abed.” 

“No I don’t, that’s weird and wrong and not okay.”

“Well, what do you feel like you're around Abed? I know you said earlier it was like something opened up in you. But what are your general feelings around him?”

“Honestly, Britta. I don’t know.”

“Just try.”

Troy looked into his hands, figuring out what to say. “I- It’s just that… every time I’m with him. It’s like everything makes sense? My whole life has been… well, one big shit-show. But when I met Abed, it was like everything went away, and I finally felt a sense of… relief? Happiness? Definitely, happiness.” 

Britta looked at Troy, with a slight smirk on her lips. “Troy I think you have some certain... feelings with Abed. From how you’ve described him, it seems like you... enjoy his company a lot. I feel the best thing for you to do, is to tell him what you told me. I really believe that. I can tell this is eating you up a bit. I mean you seemed pretty shaken up about making him upset.”

Troy shook his head, “But what if,” his voice trailed off, “What if he gets agitated about the whole thing? And rejects me? I don’t think I could live with that, knowing I upset him so much. I already upset him today and like-” Troy’s voice had gone hoarse from crying, and his eyes once again welled up with tears. 

“Hey, Hey,” Britta pulled him into a close hug, “Nothing bad will happen. Abed and you will be fine. There just needs to be communication between you too. I promise everything will be fine.”

Troy breathed a shaky breath. He hesitated before saying “O-Okay, I trust you. I do. I-I’ll go to his dorm right now.” Troy proceeded to get up.

Britta followed him up. “That’s my boy. Troy Barnes, you are one of the best people I know, and please don’t forget that. Ever. You are so strong and tough and smart, and never forget that. And believe me when I say, Abed feels the same.” She pulled him into a tight hug. A hug that felt safe, and warm, and most importantly, full of trust. 

“Thank you, Britta, I really meant it. All of this, it’s really helped.”

“Of course, and if you need anything, I am here for you, and I will try to help to the best of my abilities.”

Troy looked into Britta’s eyes, and the sense of hope that he found in them gave him all the strength that he needed to go to Abed. He walked to Abed’s dorm as his life depended on it. And to Troy, it really did.

**Author's Note:**

> hey everyone! i just want to say thank you all so so SO much for the love on my last piece. it makes me so happy to see all of you enjoy it! this piece was a bit of a struggle to write, but after just sitting down and focusing on it (ok while watching the politician as well...) I enjoy the outcome, and I hope you do too! I will try and get the second part of this out soon, but for right now, I think I'm going to take a break. so much love !! <3333


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